Lately I have been reflecting on the shift in my social life.
I used to be what some may refer to as “the life of the party” or a “social butterfly”.
I was gregarious and loud and could make a friend wherever I went and was proud of that fact.
I used to surround myself with as many people as possible just for the sake of not being alone. If I was not out on a Friday night doing SOMETHING then I felt that I must be missing out on something. At that time I was terrified of being lonely because it meant I had to be alone with myself, a person that I did not really like or care to get to know very well.
Because of this I maintained relationships with people that I did not necessarily connect with on a genuine level. I had a small group of true close friends and an enormous group of friend/acquaintances. I remember turning 21 and having 50+ people show up at my party, all of whom I knew but I can now, 4 years later, count on my hands how many of whom I have remained in contact with.
Over the last couple of years I have made a real conscience effort
to get to know myself better.
I have come to appreciate myself and truly enjoy being alone.
This has been a catalyst for my much more selective view on
relationships and for letting many friendships drift away.
I realized that unless I can connect with someone on all levels
authentically then there is no point in keeping them in my life. This does not
mean that I don’t like that person or they have necessarily done anything
“wrong”. I would just rather be alone enjoying “me time” than force an
interaction that does not resonate on multiple levels.
I recently came across a quote that really embodies how I have
been feeling about the changing dynamics of my interactions with others.
“I no longer
have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary
conversations.
If we don’t
vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time.
I’d rather
have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.”
― Joquesse
Eugenia
This is now the only way I know how to live my life happily. It
has resulted in my friend group shrinking in size but growing in value and
authenticity.
I guess this is all just part of growing older, wiser, learning
about yourself and becoming more selective in who you share you life with.
I am valuable. My time and love (just like everyone else’s) is
precious. For this reason I choose not to waste it on people or in circumstances
in which it will not truly be appreciated. Anything short of a real connection
is disingenuous and is disservice to yourself and to others.
Be you.
Surround yourself with people who appreciate you and see you for
who you are.
love & light
-Katie
:)
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